My hand turned me down
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
