the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize