My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
