in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He did a backflip because drugs
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
