I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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