i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
this is an emotional support booty call
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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