So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
