She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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