i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
