i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
