This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
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