I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
