I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
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