I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
If I die, sorry about rent.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Randomize
