She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I just gift wrapped bread.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
