dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Randomize
