so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I love having hate sex.
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she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
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Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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