I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
