Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
