did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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