All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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