I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Randomize
