He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
