in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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