This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
