first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
