Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
