Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
