I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
