I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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