I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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