Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize