the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
