Sry I called you an 8
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
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