She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
