everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize