arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
