Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
