im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i think my mom watched the whole time
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
