Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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