My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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