I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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