Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
