omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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