I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
