so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize