he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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