I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
