you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Randomize
