I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I take back everything I said about communal showers
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
