Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
