Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
It's rum buckets o'clock
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
