walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
