Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
