You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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