Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
