Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
