so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
