It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
