girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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