he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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