Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
now i know why i became what i already was.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
