Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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