I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
