watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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