I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize