Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
