So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
