think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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