Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
