I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I need moral support for this bender
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
